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  • 单身就要活出一个人的璀璨年华
  • 2014/4/14 10:53:54 来源:重庆教育人生网
  •    情人节当然是情侣们出双入对、庆祝相爱的日子,而所谓为单身人士准备的“光棍节”却成为单身者顾影自怜、集体哀怨的日子。其实,单身一族大可不必急着给自己找“另一半”,只需细细体味单身的妙处,好好享受当下的生活,在未来某一刻,最好的人自然就会出现。
    Ah, singledom. It’s a strange place to be. Of course, when you’re 19, 21 or even 26, there’s nothing better than being all footloose and fancy free (as my aunt would put it). You want to be out with your friends every night and you want to be meeting dark, handsome strangers who whisk you off for fleeting affairs ... Because when you’re younger, life is all about your mates, building a career, being independent and having “fun.” The thought of settling down and having babies seems so alien. “It’s something you do when you’re old,” a certain teen boyband member recently told me during an interview. “Like when you’re 30.”
    He had a point (despite his slightly misguided view on what’s “old”). When you’re an excitable teen just out of college or university and dying to make your mark on the world, you have this dreamy idea that when you’ve made your millions, snogged loads of fitties and bought a house, you will magically find the boy of your dreams and settle down in a whirlwind of rose petals and confetti. You imagine how it’ll all just come together—and more importantly—you presume that at around 30, you’ll be ready for it.
    But then reality strikes and you find that suddenly you are on that downward slope to 30—and shock, horror—you’re still single (and maybe not even that bothered about marriage and babies). All around you, your pals are celebrating 30th birthdays, engagements and wedding days. Some have even welcomed little babas into the world. It’s all very cute and of course you’re unbelievably happy for them. But you’re so far off that world. It can leave you feeling like a bit of a failure. Why haven’t you got that life yet? Why do you not want that life yet?
    Here’s something that happens far too often. You go to a friend’s wedding. You’re armed with a smile and a beady eye (both perfected for the Best Man and ushers). But instead you find yourself on a table with all the coupled off pals. “Who are you with then?” they ask. “Oh I’m here on my own,” you reply, fully aware of the pity tilt of the head that is coming your way. And sure enough, there it is. “Oh, well maybe you’ll find someone here tonight?” they suggest “helpfully.” “Oh thanks, yeah I never thought of that,” you think to yourself, still smiling of course.
    But why does being single in your late twenties, early thirties (and perhaps older than that) seem like such a life failure? What if you’re actually—shock, horror—happy being single at (almost) 30?
    Recently someone told one of my single buddies that if she had found herself still single at 30, she’d be forced to find herself a man who already had kids. Clearly, she thought being single so “late” in life is a call for desperate measures what with the body clock ticking away and all that. But come on, being 30 is hardly over the hill is it? And there’s no rush to be having kids. What’s the point in panicking?
    For me singledom (at my age!) has actually been quite the eye opener. As a teen (and early 20-something), I was in and out of long-term relationships. To be precise, three long-term relationships. They were great while they lasted but hey, it didn’t work out. And since the last one ended just over 18 months ago, I’ve discovered there’s a whole new side to life when you’re single.
    Firstly, I’ve learnt how to properly take care of myself. Gone are the days where I couldn’t fix a leak in the bathroom or change a tyre on the car. When you’re a girl on your own, you learn this stuff. A few hours of your time getting to grips with the basics is much preferable to facing plumbing charges or having to wait for the AA on a busy London road. You just do it.
    Secondly, I save at least ?30 on my fortnightly shop because I don’t have to buy so much meat! (Why do boys like meat so much? I mean, I like a steak as much as the next person, but do you really need meat in every meal?) The result—more space for wine, cider, cheese and fruit. Brilliant!
    Thirdly, I’ve made some lovely new friends through the simple gift of time. Before, I’d be running home to get the dinner started or spending Saturday lunch times in Ikea. Now, I can stay in the pub for as long as I like without worrying about starting a row and on Saturdays I can grab brunch or watch the footie or shop with my friends—sometimes, we even go for a manicure. In fact, some of my now closest friends are people I’ve got to know in the last year—and I wouldn’t change our hungover sofa sessions for the world.
    I’ve completely redecorated my flat. If my ex were to walk back in now, he would not know what had hit him—it almost looks like a grown up’s apartment. And that’s all down to my new-found abilities with some paint, a hammer and some nails. It’s a wonder!
    I’ll happily eat and holiday alone—pretty much rock up to any bar in the world and stay there for hours. But that’s okay—in fact, most of the time the owner ends up being my NBF before the week is out.
    I’ve even done the craziest thing ever and left a secure job at a magazine to go freelance. It turns out it was a brilliant decision! But if I was still in a relationship, I would have been far more dubious about taking that financial risk. Having someone else to worry about would have definitely swayed me away from making the leap.
    This is not to say being single hasn’t had its moments. Of course there are times when you miss the cuddling up on the sofa to watch a film, or the on-running debate of who should have got voted out of The X Factor. Even just having someone to spoil rotten is nice.
    But all in all, the last 18 months have been the best life lesson I’ve ever had. It’s not that you can’t do all these things when you’re in a couple. It’s just, more often than not, you don’t want to because you’re pretty content with how things are. People even stay in relationships because they feel they should—not because they’re madly in love and really want to. If it’s not right, then why settle? You could find the most amazing person if you’re strong enough to wait.
    Being able to dedicate so much time to improving a work situation, to seeing old friends, making loads of new friends, not worrying about time and just seeing the world through my own eyes and not through someone else’s for once, has been the best experience ever for me.
    And you know what the most exciting part is? That if we want it, we still have that whole “finding someone you adore” thing to come. At some point, we will meet that person we want to spend every waking moment with; that we want to travel with; that we want to snog the face off ... and we have all of that to look forward to.
    啊,单身。这是一种奇怪的状态。当然,在你19岁、21岁甚至26岁的时候,自由自在、无拘无束(我阿姨会这么说)是再好不过的事了。你想每晚都跟朋友们出去玩,你想邂逅皮肤黝黑的陌生帅哥,被他卷入一场露水情缘……因为当你还年轻时,生活不外乎是交交朋友、打拼事业、学会独立和找找“乐子”。安定下来、为人父母的想法似乎是天方夜谭。“这是年纪大了以后你会去做的事,”一个十几岁的男孩乐队成员在最近的一次访谈里跟我说道,“比如在你30岁的时候。”
    他说得有道理(尽管在什么是“年纪大了”的问题上他的观点稍稍受了点误导)。当你还是一个刚从学院或大学毕业的热血青年,渴望着在这个世界打下属于自己的烙印时,会有这么一个美梦般的想法:在你腰缠万贯、吻遍帅哥、买下一幢豪宅后,你就会奇迹般地找到你的梦中男孩,然后在一场玫瑰花瓣和五彩纸屑漫天飞舞的婚礼中安定下来。你想象着这一切将如何并肩而至——更重要的是,你设想自己在30岁左右的时候就做好迎接这一切的准备了。
    但后来现实给了你当头一棒,你发现突然之间,你正走在去往30岁的下坡路上——真让人震惊、恐惧——而你还是孤家寡人一个(也许都没怎么为婚姻和孩子这些事烦恼过)。看看周围,你的朋友们有的在庆祝30岁生日,有的在庆祝订婚,有的在庆祝婚礼日,有的甚至已经迎来了新生命。这一切都好极了,你当然为他们感到开心不已。但你离那个世界却如此遥远。这不免给你带来一丝失败感。为什么你还没拥有那样的生活?为什么你还不想要那样的生活?
    下面要说的事情太经常发生了。你去参加一个朋友的婚礼,带着一脸微笑和一双晶亮的眼睛(两者都为吸引伴郎和引座员被精心修饰过)。然而事与愿违,你发现自己坐的那一桌都是有伴的。“你跟谁一起来的?”他们问。“哦,我一个人来的。”你回答说,同时清楚地意识到他们会头一歪,对你表示同情。果然,说来就来了。“哦,那也许今晚你会在这儿找到你的另一半?”他们“颇有助益”地建议道。“哦,谢谢,是啊,我从没考虑过这个。”你自忖道,脸上当然还挂着笑容。
    但为什么到了奔三或30出头(或者更大)的年纪还单身就让人觉得仿佛是人生重大的失败呢?如果你确实——真让人震惊、恐惧——享受(即将) 30岁的单身生活,那会怎么样呢?
    最近有人对我的一个单身朋友说,如果她在30岁的时候仍然单身,就得被迫给自己找一个已经拖儿带女的男人。显然,她认为这么“大”的年纪还单身就需要采取极端措施了,因为身体的时钟在滴答作响以及诸如此类的原因。但是,得了吧,30岁还没有抵达人生的顶峰不是吗?而且不用那么着急要孩子吧。恐慌的意义何在呢?
    对我而言,单身(哪怕在我这个年纪!)其实使我眼界更为开阔。在我十几岁(以及20岁出头)时,我经历过几次爱情长跑。准确说来,是三段长期恋情。身在其中的时候感觉都很棒,但是它们都不了了之。18个多月前,我的上一场恋爱结束了。自那以后我发现,当一个人单身的时候,生活会呈现出全新的一面。
    首先,我学会了如何照顾好自己。曾经的我面对卫生间的漏水束手无策,也不会换汽车轮胎,不过那些日子已经一去不复返了。当一个女孩孤身一人时,她就学会了做这些事情。比起缴一笔水管维修费用或是不得不在伦敦繁忙的道路上等待AA汽车救援,更为可取的做法还是花上几个小时自己处理这些基本问题。你只需动手去做就好了。
    其次,我在两周一次的购物上省了至少30英镑,因为我不用再买那么多肉!(为什么男生那么爱吃肉?我是说我跟其他人一样爱吃牛排,但是真的需要每餐都有肉吗?)这样一来,每餐就有了更多选择:葡萄酒、苹果汁、起司和水果。太棒了!
    第三,我结识了一些可爱的新朋友——仅仅是因为我有了更多时间。换作从前,我会要么忙着跑回家准备晚餐,要么在宜家打发周六的午餐时光。如今,我在酒吧里想待多久就待多久,不用担心这会引发一场争吵;周六的时候我可以吃一顿早午餐,或者看一场足球赛,或者跟我的朋友们一起去购物,有时候我们甚至会去做一次美甲。实际上,现在我的一些最亲密的朋友就是我在去年认识的,而我无论如何都不会改变我们宿醉后的沙发卧谈。
    我已经彻底地重新装饰了自己的公寓。如果我的前男友现在走进来,他会惊得目瞪口呆——它现在看起来几乎就像是一个成年人的寓所。这都要归功于我新发现的自己驾驭涂料、锤子和钉子的能力。这真是个奇迹!
    我一个人开心用餐、快乐度假——可以随意晃进世界上任何一个酒吧,在那儿待上几个小时。可是那没关系——实际上在大多数情况下,要不了一周,那个酒吧的老板就会成为我的新知己。
    我甚至干了一件最疯狂的事儿:放弃了一份在杂志社的稳定工作,做起了自由职业者。事实证明这是一个棒极了的决定!但如果我当时还处在一段感情当中,我对于要不要冒这个经济风险则会犹豫得多。如果有其他人需要担心,我必然不会跨出这么一大步。
    这并不是说单身就没有不好的时候。有些时候你当然会想念两人一起窝在沙发里看电影的时光,或者是就《英国偶像》里谁本该落选而进行的喋喋不休的争吵。哪怕只是有个人让你把他宠坏也是好的。
    但是总而言之,过去的18个月是我上过的最好的人生课。并不是说你有伴侣就不能做所有这些事情了,只是更多时候你并不想去做,因为你挺满足于现状的。甚至有些人留在一段感情关系中只是因为他们觉得自己应该如此,而不是因为他们疯狂坠入爱河而想要这样。如果这不是你想要的感情,那为什么要安定下来呢?如果你有一颗足够强大的心去等待,你会找到那个最棒的人。
    能够投入很多时间来改善自己的工作状况、跟老朋友见面、交很多新朋友、不用担心时间、仅仅通过自己而非别人的眼睛看一次世界——这是我迄今获得的最好的人生体验。
    你知道这其中最激动人心的部分是什么吗?那就是如果我们想的话,我们仍然可以期待着“找到自己心仪的那个人”。在某个时刻,我们会遇到那个人,那个我们想与之共度醒着的每一刻的人,想一起去旅行的人,想深深亲吻和紧紧相拥的人……所有这一切我们都可以期待。

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    相关阅读:  爱情只需要你真心与真情去对待


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